Saturday, September 26, 2015

Chapter 8 - Oh, for the love of Heart Farts!

It hit me late the next afternoon, when I finally woke up after sleeping off the drunk.

Oh Plumbbob, what did I do? I practically crawled in his mouth! Ew!

And he was so... slimy! Who knew how many girls he had queued up for his sweet, sweet woohoo?!

It was time to take drastic measures.

"Hey, thanks for meeting me Leighton."

There might not have been heart farts, but he was a good, honest, sweet man that didn't have women lining up for his bed.  He was the perfect man for me! 
Dinner went well.  There were no awkward lulls in the conversation.  He laughed at my silly jokes and asked questions about what it was like to be a private eye. 
Just then, a little girl ran up and grabbed my plate and licked it.

"EW!" I cried out in shock. "Kids are so disgusting!"
"Uh, you do know I'm a father? Right?" He asked quietly.

What?! How did this not come up before?!
"Hey! Did anyone lose a kid in the restaurant?" a bistro worker called out gruffly, leading out a small, bald child by the scruff of his neck.   (AN: By the way, I SEE you Holly Alto, stealing Simone's dress!)

"SAM! What are you doing here?" Leighton asked with surprise.

"Sorry, Dad. Memaw said that you were on a date... I wanted to see..."
"Look, keep your kid leashed," the bistro worker told me.

"Hey! That's not my kid!" I protested, looking him in the eye.  And immediately felt my stomach flip.  Damn. Heart Farts.

"Come on, Sam, let's get you home.  Simone? Will you join us?" Leighton asked, interrupting the awkward love connection.  (AN: Seriously, she has heart farts with Jared Frio. He's worse than Parker!)
"Sorry about that," Leighton said as we walked up to his front door.  "Sam's just used to it being the two of us.  I'm sure he'll come around soon." He cleared his throat, "At least, I'm hoping you'll give us a chance..."
Never before have I ever been so glad to get a phone call. "Hello?" I answered quickly, still stunned by Leighton's proposal.

Well, not a marriage proposal, but a "we" including a kid! That was a big step.
"Let me take a rain check," I said softly to Leighton, trying to let him down easy.  "I never know when I'm going to get a call..."
As I hailed a cab and hopped in, I wondered if I was making the wrong choice.

"It's my prized flamingo! And it's GONE! GONE! Who would TAKE a flamingo?!" the woman sobbed.

I could hardly get a word in edge-wise.  "Do you know who might've taken it?" I asked her when she paused the blow her nose.

"NO! That's what I've been TELLING you! Don't you listen?!" she sniffled again.  "What kind of... GEOFFREY! Thank Plumbbob you're HOME!"
I turned and saw her husband.  Oh for the love of Heart Farts. Seriously?!

"Go ahead inside, dear. I'll take care of this," her husband, Geoffrey, said gently.
"I'm sorry. She's a little overwrought," he explained.  "She's only just given birth and is a little... hormonal..."

"So do you have any idea who might have taken the flamingo?"

Geoffrey glanced across the pond.  "I expect the Alto's have something to do with it..."
I approached the Alto's house and I'm not gonna lie... I was a little leery about implying he had anything to do with a flamingo's disappearance.  That man scared me! 
"Mr. Alto. I am looking for Ms. Landgraab's prized flamingo. Have you..."

He didn't even let me get the question out.  "What would I want with that old biddy's stupid bird? Does it look like I couldn't afford my own?" he demanded. "Well?! Does it?!"

"No.. of course not..." I tried to interject reasonably, to no avail.

"Maybe she should try checking out the freshwater ponds. Did that ever occur to you before you come traipsing over to MY home, accusing ME of taking a damn pink bird!"

I exited the scene as quickly as I could. 
I hurried to the pond separating the two properties, but saw no sign of a pink bird.  "Here, birdy, birdy, birdy!" I called, feeling ridiculous.
I trudged over to the beach and searched for some clues, like feathers or bird prints.  Nothing.  (AN: I don't know why the game sent me to the beach. That is not fresh water.)
I tried to think of another place with a large body of freshwater.   A quick glance at the map on my phone showed a large body of water at Pinocle Pond.  I headed over there, determined to finish the case before sunrise.

And then I saw it...

The damn flamingo.

And I was so pissed that I'd spent all night looking for this thing...
I shoved the lousy, pink, plastic lawn art into Lady Landgraab's hands.

"You found it! Oh, I'm so happy!" she said, clapping her hands with excitement.

Torch Holders: 1
Sim Failing School: 0
Visit from Service Sim: 0
Passing Out: 0
Self-Urination: 0
Accidental Deaths: 0
Social Worker Visit: 0
Births: 0
Twin Births: 0
Triplet Births: 0
Fulfilling LTW: 0
Achieving Honor Roll: 0
Randomizing  LTW choice and trait for a generation: 0
Not using spares Happiness points for a generation: 0
Every 100,000 dollars: 0
NPS Spouse reach the top of their career: 0
Cheat Penalty: 0


  1. The sleepy facepalm at the end was perfect! XD

    1. Lol. What a night! Boy did she inappropriately heart fart all over the place!

      She was so exhausted looking for that darn plastic flamingo!